A Message From Source, Here.
Last night, I went on a journey deep inside, the depths of my mind.
I’d like to invite you to take a moment and come inside…
The experience began for me in the shower. I was thinking of my dad and his surgery. He had a liver transplant yesterday.
The day before, I got an idea that I couldn’t let go of…Hold up. One sec. Let me back up. Last week, I was dealing with some stressful events that had the parts of me on overwatch. I decided to use the assistance of mother nature to go inside and have a peek around. What I ended up experiencing was profound. I experienced what I believe as my Self in ‘wave’ form.
It was as if I was traveling through my body like this video from the Mario video game:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="This gave me the idea I couldn’t let go of…
While my dad is in his medically induced coma for his transplant, can I go find him?
So that’s what I tried to do.
Back to the shower…
As the warm water washed over me I closed my eyes and began to think about my intention. To locate him. As my eyes roll back into my subconscious a network of lights appears. Almost like Tron. Then, I see a blinking white light. Like a dot on an electrical map. Was that him?
This got my brain excited and it started to ‘take off’ — Next thing you know, I’m overwhelmed with an epiphany for my book. An epiphany I need help with. So, I immediately exit the shower and start writing an email to Jon Goodman. Asking for help with my book…
I get myself dressed. Head out to the balcony and sit down to prepare myself for the journey ahead. As I’m sitting, breathing and listening to the instrumental beats in my ears — I eat my special chocolate.
As the medicine begins to enter my body I can feel the channels start to open up. My body begins to sway, bend and move to loosen. I think to myself, I’m clearing the space I need to travel.
Then, as I’m sitting there a voice comes to me in my head.
This is what comes out…
I smile to myself writing this. The channels are open. The connection has been made.
Let’s begin…
I go to the couch and lay down, placing the eye mask over my eyes. I allow myself to dip into my Self. As I sit in my ‘room’, I feel home. I feel the totality of ME. It’s a warm, beautiful, loving feeling that cannot be explained. Only experienced.
I remind myself of my intention…
To use my overwhelming Self energy to enter wave form, travel my own wave and attach on to the wave of universal consciousness. Then, somehow find my Dad. Then, find myself again. I know, it sounds like a lot. But, when you’re fully embodied in Self this can happen in an instant.
As I breathe I allow the music to enter my body.
This is how I explained it in the moment, in real time:
If you imagine the totality of your awareness as a room.
I am able to empty it.
Then, I fill the room with the sound of the music 🎶 — it is ALL that exists.
As the sound of the music fills the room, I focus on one note, it consumes me, and the wave takes over my body. I allow it to flow through me like an electrical current traveling through a wire. Stretching. Flexing. Resonating with the wave. As the energy of the wave flows through me I feel myself break apart. More like, dissolve…
My Self is now in wave form.
Moving at the speed of sound, I am a part of the musical wave. We are one.
I can ride it to higher levels and to the energy within it. It’s almost as if I can understand it. Engage with it. Interact with it. Learn from it. As if the energy that the creator imbues within the song targets the direction I travel. Their energy provides layers of meaning.
In one song, I found myself in the pain of a woman whose mother sacrificed her life in the kitchens of Bangkok or something. I could feel the gratitude she had for her mother and what she did. I was transported to that place visually. Literally, I saw the busy streets of a bustling market in an Asian pacific country.
Then, a song with nature sounds came on. I could hear the birds chirping and the sound of a babbling brook. Alright, it was a creek. I’ve always wanted to be able to use babbling brook in a sentence lol
As I leaned into the sound, I knew this was where he was. It made sense. The forest. Nature. Hunting. This is where he would find peace. Side Note: The day before his surgery, I explained to my dad that he may experience a near-death-experience while under. I also asked my dad to ask my great grandfather a question if he saw him. This is where he would find him.
The image is blurry. But I can see clear enough. A man walking. Wearing a dark shirt with greenish colored pants. A buzzed hair cut. Mustache. About 40-50 years old. He’s walking away from me towards the creek. Staring into the distance.
As he turns his head I can see…it’s my dad.
I watch from a distance trying to move closer. I can’t. It’s as if he’s stuck. I’m stuck. We’re both stuck in this timeless place. Then, I’m ripped out of it faster than I arrived…
My mind starts racing with fear. That email I sent to Jon Goodman was vulnerable. Deeply personal and raw. I sent him excerpts from my journal. Something I’ve never shown anyone except my therapist. The parts of me were at WAR. Fighting. Yelling. Blaming. Fearing. So, I talked with them…
I focused on my breath, calmed the noise and found myself embracing all of my TEAM in a hug. Expressing our love and gratitude for one another. Feeling the love, I was whole again. Let’s return…
The music fills my room again and as the musical note begins to consume me and peak — I’m gone! Like a rocket, I take off shooting through the wave of music and back into the forest. I see the same creek. The same man. My dad. This time he’s sitting. Staring off into the distance. Lost.
As I watch this image and struggle to move closer I begin to wonder what he’s doing…What is he staring at? Why is he lost? Then it hits me…
He’s listening.
As I move through the scene I can see past him now. Sitting across from him at the creek is my great grandfather. Wearing a plaid hunting jacket. Coke bottle glasses. Bald head. He leans forward with his hand on my dad’s shoulder.
I can’t hear their words but I feel their silence. I feel their connection. I feel it ALL.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t move closer.
The closer I tried to get the farther I would become.
I was only allowed to witness. It was not my job to interfere. It was my job to be here.
In this moment I understood my true intention. Originally, my intention was to find my dad and heal or relationship. Then, it was to show him who I am. At first, I thought that meant I needed to surprise him there and be like “I told you that you don’t have a clue who I really AM” (something I said to him before during our falling out). Look at me, I’m here!
Then it became clear…
I can show him who I am and how I came to BE, by sharing with him the moments I witnessed him experience, while traveling inside of ME.
P.S. If you're a man navigating the mental chaos of entrepreneurship and this article stirred something in you. That pull you feel? That’s not random.
Send me a DM saying “Lighthouse” on Instagram and let’s have a real conversation about what business & life could look like if it were aligned to YOU.